Cocaine-fueled and surprisingly well-put-together schlock from the sweet ol' 80s. Sidaris, the madman that he is, has Ridge Forrester drive through the side of the house with a motorcycle and shoot a mutant snake's head off with a bazooka in the movie's ludicrous climax. Oh, there is also a mystery of missing diamonds and Playboy Playmates with a serious lack of charisma and clothes.

Do I have to say more?